Rough Waters

ROUGH WATERS…A Personal Journey

This river that we are sailing down was not of our choosing. I suppose it never is, but at moments like these we realize just how little control we have over our course of direction. This journey would not have been on our itinerary if we had a choice.

We were not heading in this direction, when we slammed into the first rock.

Cancer- malignant! Wow, it took three Doctors…Kovach, Warren and Stevenson before it truly sunk in that we had, indeed hit this rock.

By the time it finally occurred to us that this was really happening ~to us~ right now, we had hit the rapids, we were upside down, over the falls, taking on water, spinning out of control and gasping for breath.

There were people on the river bank that were calling out to us – "you are in the river" "start paddling" "Breath" "There is another waterfall ahead" "Stay to the right" "stay to the left" "Are you okay?" "Get out of the river" "You can make it downstream" "Others have gone before you!"" Most people survive this journey" "Keep paddling and don't look back" "Paddle harder, paddle faster" "watch out here comes the whirlpool!"

When one is stuck in a whirlpool, one cannot swim toward the surface; one cannot triumph over the downward force of the water.

  

 One must swim downward with the pressure, letting the turbulence push down, out, and then up.  That requires presence of mind, especially when one isn't sure what is up or what is down.  It is dark, you can feel the burden, the force, the coldness of the water and you know you have to keep swimming. Keep swimming ...blindly.

For this moment, we have righted the boat and we are learning how to paddle, know that we are on the river, know there is rough water ahead, know there are people on the bank and even in the water to offer help and know that we will make it! People on the banks of the river, offer various options and support, they offer suggestions and alternative methods in how we can conquer this river. The people that are in the water are fighting this right beside us, For I may have this river that I must battle inside my body, it is my husband and my family that are holding on to the shore lines trying to keep my boat steady in the rough waters.

It isn't just me out here in this water, alone, we have cancer, one of us must fight the internal battle, and the others must hold the lines to keep the boat steady. We are now one, one team that must face up to this challenge, overcome this river together, we are each afraid and we must each give courage and strength to each other, knowing that after this struggle, we will all endure! Although we each have thoughts and fears that are individual, struggles that affect us each personally, it is our varied strengths that will make our team strong enough to pull safely to the shore.

We will make this river our river and we will survive!